I finished 19 chapters of book work for Phlebotomy in.. 11 days.  I took the final on the 12th day of being in class.  I’m going to be spending most of my time next week in driving class to refresh my memory on how to do that shizz.  I do “pokes” on Thursday, sticking people with needles for the first time ever.  After I get the vein successfully 25 times, I go off to do a week of clinicals.  After that, the only thing left is the certification exam, which is national.  *nervous* Ugh.  I also have to do a 3 day class called “exit” at some point, which is mandatory for me to graduate from Job Corps.  I’m not 100% sure where I’ll be after I leave/finish up.  I’m hoping my dad will let me stay with him through the summer, until Fall Quarter starts.  I’m going to be going back to the community college I attended previously, to get my Associate of Arts and Science degree finished up.  I think it’ll only take two quarters, thankfully.  After that, hopefully I’ll be going to a university to get a bachelor’s.

I’ve been stressing out like mad due to the stupid bitches in my dorm, as well as the dumb twats in my room.  I have nothing against sharing living space with females.  I do have something against sharing living space with moronic teenagers who think they’re hot shit.  People who think it’s a GREAT idea to go on a weekend pass/personal leave, so they can try to get pregnant, when they’re 18, and have nothing going on in their life.  People who have never held a job, never lived on their own, but think they know everything.  It’s ever so slightly ridiculous.  I will freely admit I do plenty of stupid things still.  I have, however, learned a lot from the major fuck ups I made in the past, and believe me, there were some big ‘uns.

Um, what else?  I miss my friends, I miss my son, I miss my family…  I got back in touch with a friend of mine from when I attended college before, so that was back when I was 16.  It has been really nice catching up.  During my downtime at Job Corps I’m typically reading, playing on my laptop, and texting.  Mostly my buddy from college and one other person.

Speaking of one other person… he’s someone I’ve known as an online friend for approximately three years.  He had become my “adopted big brother” (because my actual older brother is a bit of a prat), but things have shifted a bit the last couple of weeks.  I had a bit of a crush on him for a fair amount of time, but I always buried it and ignored it, because his friendship is really valuable to me, and I didn’t want to fuck it up.  Well, things came to light that we both are interested in each other, so now I don’t feel guilty at all for flirting.  Not only that, we had talked about hanging out previously, but it was always as a vague “Oh man, we totally need to do that sometime!” rather than anything definite.  Since things have changed/since I’m going to have a bit of money, I’m planning to go visit him the end of June, which I’m really looking forward to.  I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone who makes me so flustered or makes me blush so much, in my entire life.  Humorous, but awkward.  Go figure.

In short, I’m keeping myself busy, keeping myself entertained, and plotting for the future.  Here’s hoping that by the next time I post I’ll be a nationally certified phlebotomy technician, have my driver’s license, and have ironed out the wrinkles regarding going back to college this fall (I applied for FAFSA ages ago, etc, I just need to figure out where I’ll be living).

Cheers, lovelies.  Take care of yourselves

I really only am writing this post to let folks know I’m still alive and am in fact working my butt off.  Medical terms and abbreviations can die in a fire.  I think I may be a victim of encephalorrhexis from all of it…  Brain rupture?  Oh yeah.  Good times, baby!  I KNOW I’m dealing with chirospasms from all the notes and flash cards.  Writer cramp, woo.

I do have a play weekend to look forward to, at the beginning of April.  Any breaks from Job Corps are good things.  Cheers, lovelies

Hope everyone’s start to 2013 is fantastic

Please fuck me harder, fuck me more roughly, next time.  Please, tangle your amazingly sexy hands in my hair and pull it.  Please, mold me to your whims, curve my body backwards like a strung bow while you bend me over something.  Please, let me feel you buried as deep as you can go in my mouth, let me feel you again in my cunt, and please, let me even feel you inside my ass.  Please, please, please use that knife of yours on me.  Please, I want to bleed.  Please, I want to see crimson smeared across your skin and mine.

I’m being devoured, eaten alive by my lusts.  Beyond that, I want to know too, if there are any wicked, unspoken hungers of his.  After all, Q is thus far incredibly accommodating regarding my desires.  It only seems fair to respond in kind.  We’ll see where that goes.  I’ll ask Q when I get the chance

I’d decided to dress up for the occasion, too.  A lot of my stuff is in storage, so I was trying to find a nice garter belt, and it took a lot of searching.  I ended up with a red/black matching bra and panty set (the panties had garter straps), black thigh highs with red bows on the top, a pleated black skirt, a lace edged black tank top, and some awesome curb stomp-y goth boots that go to just below my knees.  I wanted to make a favorable impression on him, after all.  Pleasantly enough, getting to finally meet Q, it felt quite comfortable.  I didn’t feel self-conscious or anything.  After talking and playing video games, for whatever reason (I forget what specific reason/excuse I had), I stripped off the skirt, boots, and tank top.  Lounging around, playing video games, and talking like that for a while was quite pleasant.  Since I knew he had to leave at a relatively early time today, I wanted to make sure that our time was well spent!  I teased him a bit about being so laid back, considering all the chemistry that had existed between us, and… well… I instigated nefarious things.

It was well worth the almost three year wait.  I would say it was worth the almost two year dry spell, but I sincerely hope I never go that long without getting laid, while still in the prime of my adulthood.  All my concerns about not living up to his expectations were for naught.  It was a very good time.  I’m looking forward to next time, whenever it is.  It should feed my inner demons/lusts quite nicely.  I imagine it will be ever so much more wicked.  Hair pulling, biting, and knives.  Happily enough, I think I’ve now moved up from being a previously online-only friend who he flirted with, to being one of his fwb.  I can live with not getting laid not that often, if the quality is so very satisfying.  Sexy man.  Smart, funny, tattooed, great body, and hung?  Hell. Yes.

It was very worth it.  I already can’t wait to spend time with him again.  I know he doesn’t date folks.  I know he only has fwb.  I could care less if he fucks other people.  When he spent time with me…  I felt like a friend, considering the comfort level.  I felt sexy as hell, considering he seemed to have a very difficult time taking his eyes off me.  I felt special, considering he didn’t go off and check things on his phone, and so on and so forth.  So. Very. Worth. It.

I found it funny and satisfying as hell, that he repeatedly commented on how my ex-boyfriend was a complete idiot, to pass up on getting to fuck me.  I like to think I’m fairly skilled, and judging by Q’s reaction/comments?  He was very happy.  All in all, I got to end 2012 on a very, very nice note.  I hope 2013 goes well.

I’ve been a bit under the weather for the last few days and I have a 5 hour drive to deal with tomorrow morning, so I was going to try to go to bed early.  It’s three and a half hours after I first went and laid down.  Clearly my plan worked splendidly.  I curled up in bed, all cozy with my stuffed animal and my mind wanders to Q.  Thinking it will help me sleep, I decide to have a wank, hoping that it will also push him far enough from my thoughts that I can doze off.  No such luck.  Over the time Q and I have been talking, he has seen photos or live video of pretty much every part of me.  Intellectually a part of myself knows he finds me attractive, that he wants to fuck my brains out.  Unfortunately, my inner voices are yelling at me about how I’ll be such a disappointment to him, when we’re face to face.

Not only that, I haven’t had penis in vagina sex in almost two years.  Q is not a small guy.  I’ve also not really had opportunity to masturbate since being at Job Corps, due to privacy issues.  I certainly haven’t had access to my toy bag.  Granted, as a former scout, I know to be prepared.  I have a couple kinds of lube and some other useful things in my suitcase.  Still.  I don’t want to disappoint, and while I know he’s not an asshole (at least, not to me), I’m afraid he’ll reject me, for some reason or other.  Or worse, that he won’t even show up.  I’m well aware that I’m rambling, but.. damn.  Since getting myself off didn’t help, I am hoping that writing my thoughts out will mellow me out enough to sleep.

If all goes well tomorrow, I’ll have bite marks, bruises, and scratches… if it goes amazingly, maybe I’ll have some cut marks too.  Q and I have some fairly similar ideas about what add some delicious, exquisite spice to sex.  Hell, I’m even considering offering up my ass, which, if you’ve been reading for a while, will know is a Big Deal.  I feel like a giddy school girl, combined with a voracious, sex starved succubus.  Should be an interesting time.  If nothing else, Q and I can play video games and go shoot guns or something.  Fun, but I sincerely hope the sparks that have been flying between us come to fruition.  Here’s hoping we don’t accidentally burn his place down to the ground.

I just need to keep reminding myself I’m doing things that will be good for my future.  It doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, but it does help me stay focused.  I’m frustrated at my lack of intimacy/being around people who care for me.  I’m immensely frustrated at my lack of sex or BDSM.  I want to break things, because I’m surrounded by bigots and idiots 24/7.  I fucking hate being stuck in a tiny podunk town. *sighs and takes a big breath*  Ah well.  Life goes on, I can continue being wistful, as long as I get shit done.

I still am wrestling hard with depression and anxiety.  I’ve become increasingly hermit-like.  My tolerance for being around humans has dwindled nearly to nil.  My capacity for giving a fuck about other people is quite slim.  I care about my family and the short list of friends I have.  I care about the relatively few possessions I have.  Beyond that?  Most of humanity just needs to leave me the hell alone, so I can get the stuff done that I need to.  It isn’t even so much that I’m super angry or bitter.  Mind you, I’m not claiming to be free of either of those emotions, it’s more that with the amount of spoons/energy I have per day, I can’t be arsed to care.

Let’s see… beyond that?  I’ve read approximately 250 books this last year.  Having a Kindle is a god send for my sanity levels.  I’ve been listening to a lot of Eluveitie and In This Moment lately.  I’m almost done with the CNA program I’m in.  I have a few more clinical days, practicing skills, the in-class final, a certification for retirement homes to complete, and then the state cert test.  I should finish all of that except for the state cert in January and get to start Phlebotomy.  Hopefully after that I’ll get into the college program so I can wrap up yet another loose end in my life.

Thoughts for 2013?  Please be less fail than 2012.  I may go on a stabbing spree with a spork, otherwise.  I don’t want to deal with drama or stupid any further than is necessary.  Living in a dorm is bollocks.  Relationships are also an utter load of crap.  Family is complicated and a lot of effort.  Maintaining friendships is difficult to do.  I want to continue getting into better shape.  I want to become self-sufficient again.  I sweat the little things way  more than I need to.  Take a chill pill.  Occasionally doing things that are bad for me goes a long way towards making me a calmer, happier humanoid.

I hope my various readers are doing well.  I’ll try to write more while I’m on winter break.  Until then, I bid you all adieu.  I do apologize if this post is ridiculously disjointed and random, but I’m running on about two hours of sleep and have been awake for almost 19 hours.  Also between drinking a beer and soaking in a hot tub my brain has pretty much disintegrated into useless protein-y/sugar-y goo.

I was in an introductory phase for a couple of weeks, then spent about a month and a half in education.  They make everybody do a silly health class, I also finally got my GED, and I spent an ungodly amount of brain power in a medical terminology class, prepping for starting their Certified Nursing Assistant program (which I should finish/take my certification test in January or February).  I’m doing well in the program, maintaining a 93% average with all my book work, I’m one of two crew chiefs (we help keep the other students in line), I’m a room leader in my dorm (think Prefect a la Harry Potter), and I ran for (and lost) a Student Government position.

I’m immensely frustrated with much of the student body and most of the staff.  So many idiots, so many people who don’t give a damn about anyone else.  I’ve become quite hermit-y.  I go to class, go to study group, go work out, and then hide in my room and study some more.  I’ve managed to lose about 30 pounds since starting Job Corps.  I hope to continue my weight loss trend.  No, I’m not starving myself, no, I’m not working out obsessively.  I eat smaller portions of food, eat healthier things, and work out 3-5 times a week, depending on how I feel.  I also started taking antidepressants a little over two months ago.  Being here is stressful and depressing.  The staff keep fucking up on my medication though, which is absolutely horrid.  Withdrawals suck.

On a happier note, I also have been seeing a boy for a little over 3 months.  Quite a nice fellow, G is.  He’s a nerd and a geek, of course.  I’m working on coaxing him gently towards the kinkier side of things.  We’ll see how that goes.  In any case, I’m trying to get myself all straightened out.  I want to finish up the CNA program and get certified, start the Phlebotomy program and get certified, get my Driver’s License (finally), and finish up the 8 credits I need for my Associate of Arts and Science degree.  I am still contemplating the military after I finish up Job Corps.  Air Force or Navy, methinks.  I got a 90 out of a possible 99 on my ASVAB.  So ah, not too shabby.  I would like to retake it and see if I can score another 3 points higher, however.  I would prefer to be Tier I instead of Tier II

I hope everyone is doing well.  In a nutshell I’m alright, just incredibly busy.  Cheers,

In other news I still apparently don’t fucking understand human beings at all.  I swear, I must be of a different species or something because every single time I think I am starting to figure out how people work… I’m proven wrong.  Thanks so much, life.  I really love being kicked when I’m already down.