Job Corps is a pain in the ass. I’m doing a lot for myself being there, but a large part of me fucking hates it. My biggest plan for what I want to do with my future doesn’t seem likely. The boy I had been seeing for almost six months, it didn’t work out. I dumped him a bit over a week ago. Sadly, I spent much of that day crying and feeling quite distraught, and he didn’t seem to give a fuck. Whatever, life goes on. I’m pretty much over him already. The tiny podunk town that my Job Corps campus is in sucks ass as an aside. It either smells like onion (not so bad) or it smells like cow shit. Fan-fucking-tastic.
I still am wrestling hard with depression and anxiety. I’ve become increasingly hermit-like. My tolerance for being around humans has dwindled nearly to nil. My capacity for giving a fuck about other people is quite slim. I care about my family and the short list of friends I have. I care about the relatively few possessions I have. Beyond that? Most of humanity just needs to leave me the hell alone, so I can get the stuff done that I need to. It isn’t even so much that I’m super angry or bitter. Mind you, I’m not claiming to be free of either of those emotions, it’s more that with the amount of spoons/energy I have per day, I can’t be arsed to care.
Let’s see… beyond that? I’ve read approximately 250 books this last year. Having a Kindle is a god send for my sanity levels. I’ve been listening to a lot of Eluveitie and In This Moment lately. I’m almost done with the CNA program I’m in. I have a few more clinical days, practicing skills, the in-class final, a certification for retirement homes to complete, and then the state cert test. I should finish all of that except for the state cert in January and get to start Phlebotomy. Hopefully after that I’ll get into the college program so I can wrap up yet another loose end in my life.
Thoughts for 2013? Please be less fail than 2012. I may go on a stabbing spree with a spork, otherwise. I don’t want to deal with drama or stupid any further than is necessary. Living in a dorm is bollocks. Relationships are also an utter load of crap. Family is complicated and a lot of effort. Maintaining friendships is difficult to do. I want to continue getting into better shape. I want to become self-sufficient again. I sweat the little things way more than I need to. Take a chill pill. Occasionally doing things that are bad for me goes a long way towards making me a calmer, happier humanoid.
I hope my various readers are doing well. I’ll try to write more while I’m on winter break. Until then, I bid you all adieu. I do apologize if this post is ridiculously disjointed and random, but I’m running on about two hours of sleep and have been awake for almost 19 hours. Also between drinking a beer and soaking in a hot tub my brain has pretty much disintegrated into useless protein-y/sugar-y goo.