We Shall See

I’m meeting a potential submissive this week.  We have had some very interesting chats over the last few weeks.  I am cautiously optimistic.  I have had a couple of other submissive folks talking with me lately too, and I am tentatively supposed to meet another person next week.  Some of the questions brought up while talking have been hard for me to answer.  Not because I feel awkward or shy in any way, but just because I haven’t had to think about some of the scenarios before.  I’ve been in a submissive role as far as BDSM stuff since I was, well, before I turned 18, let’s just say.  I’ve only been in a dominant role really, with one person.  Interesting food for thought.  I’ve been putting special effort and energy in, to make sure I don’t lose touch with my kinky side.  Especially because I’ve been in turmoil over so much lately, I need something to help ground me.

I have been incredibly low energy lately, for the most part.  Just trying to make myself get up and go to class has been hard.  I’ve decided that whatever the situation with my dad, it’s his life.  If his new lady doesn’t like me, tough.  I won’t change my behavior to make someone like me.  I haven’t the energy to expend pretending to be something I’m not.  Same for her kids.  I do hope to get along with them, if they all are going to become a part of the family.  If not however, I won’t shade any tears over it.  As a random aside, I’ve decided to pursue socio-cultural anthropology, as far as my higher education goes.  I don’t want to spend years and thousands of dollars getting degrees in a field that I only chose because of somewhat better job viability.  Even if I can’t get work specifically as an anthropologist after getting my degrees, I can do other jobs that would be of interest.

I’m in a mild quandary, as a last aside.  Whenever I’ve had a FWB before, I never had to be the one asking to meet up.  Ever.  It was always them contacting me frequently, trying to get some of my time.  The last couple of weeks have had a lot going on for myself and the local boy I got with recently.  I have no problem with that.  I do however, feel weird trying to think up a way to ask him to come by so we can fuck.  Well, ok, that’s not entirely true.  I tell Q quite frequently that he needs to come visit so I can leave bites and claw marks all over him.  He’s an exception for me for a lot of things, however.  I’ve never been the one to make a booty call.  For local boy, is a text ok?  An instant message?  I don’t know the protocol for this kind of crap.  It’s not like there’s a handbook.  Not that I know of, anyway….

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