Attempting to Stream

As far as I can tell from discussing OBS settings with a few people, I shouldn’t have any problems there.  I’m using an i7 CPU and haven’t had any problems running things as far as my computer’s capabilities in general.  The internet I use is usually at 10 ping at most and the minimum DL/UL typically hovers around 40 mbps/20 mbps respectively, but I’ve seen it as high as 90 mbps/65 mbps.   I haven’t dropped a single frame thus far.  However, my stream gets completely disrupted periodically, and I’m not sure why.  It’s very frustrating.  I’m also sticking to only playing games that I don’t mind playing in a windowed mode for the moment.  I want to watch my channel’s chat and to interact with viewers, and without a secondary monitor nor having wifi I can use for my net book, options are limited.

Lately I’ve been playing Binding of Isaac with some Diablo 3 thrown in here and there.  I’m burnt out on Borderlands 2.  I picked up Osu! recently which I am remarkably bad at.  I also rediscovered how much fun Audiosurf is.  105 games on Steam, not enough time for all of them!  I still don’t have a set stream schedule unfortunately, because too many things in my life are up in the air.  I really appreciate the folks who have helped me get to where I am already, though.  Ryokorhm for my computer, Ninjaunwanted for some games, and Ishnoob for the BL2 TK Baha pack plus chocolate.  I also want to thank those of you have Followed me on Twitch.  I hope I am able to provide some consistent entertainment for everybody.  I just need to iron out a few wrinkles.

Diablurh 3 Hardcore

I started playing with the first  of the three games, and have played a ridiculous amount of all.  Particularly the second one.  I never played hard core in D2 however.  I made my first HC character, a wizard, a few weeks back.  She died at level 12.  My second HC character was also a wizard.  She was almost at paragon 25 and had pretty spiffy gear, 99% of which had been given to me.  Hundreds of millions of gold worth.  No idea how she died, either.  Unstable Anomaly didn’t go off.  I went from full health to dead.  Incredibly frustrating.  I feel really bad about the people who gave me gear, even though all of them seem to have shrugged it off.  They told me to just start a new character and try again.

If I do Twitch stream some Diablo 3, in addition to playing Skyrim (which is the top choice so far from http://strawpoll.me/502349 ) I’ll PROBABLY not be playing HC.  Too frustrating.  😦  On the upside, I’m supposed to get my hands on my new computer on Monday.  And I have my headset back, and the mic is properly working.  Thus far.

Computer, woo!

I’m supposed to be getting my new computer on Monday, which is freaking AMAZING.  I got my A40s back from the manufacturer, supposedly they’re fixed.  I haven’t been able to test this, because they forgot to return the USB-to-mix amp cord, which is also the power.  They just shipped it (or possibly a replacement) today.  I managed to get my Justin TV/Twitch TV account mix-up sorted out.  I just need to get that cord back for my headset, and I should hopefully be set up to start doing streams of my own!  I was wondering what people might want to see me play.  I have a rather extensive list of games on Steam.  I’ve mostly been playing Diablo 3 lately, but I started playing Skyrim a month or so ago too.  I also play Borderlands 2, of course.

On the flip side of that, I need to figure out OBS.  Like… damn.  I’ve been poking at it some, but it’s going to take me a little bit to figure it out, unless someone helps me out.  Or I could stop being lazy and go look on Google for a set-up walk through thing.  Or on youtube.  Eh.  I’ll get it sorted out.

I definitely won’t get to broadcast as much as I would like, at least not right now, because I’m effectively taking 20 credits this quarter.  Hurray! \o/

State of Mind

I’m meant to be curled up in my bed, passed the hell out.  Classes for Fall Quarter start tomorrow.  Instead, I’m listening to some drum-step and writing this.  I have too many thoughts bouncing around the inside of my cranium to relax.  I need to get off my ass and apply to a couple of Universities.  I need to meet with a counselor/adviser at my current school to figure out how I’m going to cram all my remaining degree requirements into as short of a time period as possible.  I need to think about the possibility of asking family for a loan to cover expenses too, or else get more/larger student loans.  The federal financial aid I’m getting won’t cover too many credits over what are necessary for my degree.  By number I’m already over what are required.  Unfortunately, I’m lacking in a couple areas as far as specific courses, which I’m in the process of completing.  I still think I want to pursue Socio-Cultural Anthropology, but I’m considering options to supplement my finances too.

In the last few weeks I’ve had the chance to get friendly with a variety of people who are able to pull in some cash through doing game streams on Twitch.  In theory, someone who I know through Twitch/Steam is going to be gifting me a new (to me) desktop gaming rig.  I’m not 100% on this yet.  They may fall through.  It’s a huge/amazing gift, if they do follow through.  If that does end up happening, I’ll be equipped to start trying to do my own game streams.  I’m attempting to get my account changed over from Justin TV to Twitch at the moment, too.  In my “day to day” life I’m more of an introvert than ever… but online I’m making friends and networking.  I’m completely broke, but I’ve been able to offer my time/energy to a couple cool people this weekend as well as last weekend when they did 24 hour streams.

One of the other things on my mind has been a blossoming flirtation with someone.  They’re not local.  Of course they’re not local.  I’m not making any assumptions until I get a chance to meet this person, if I ever do get that opportunity at all.  I’ve had hard lessons about offering my heart freely in the past.  Then again, someone else has been flirting hard with me the last week or so, and while I don’t think they “mean” it in any serious way, I’m starting to wonder… and everything is increasingly topsy turvy.

In short, my brain needs to shut up and go to sleep.  I have to be able to at least FAKE perky behavior for my first day of classes, damn it.

Gaming

I’m strongly thinking of changing the direction of my blog/twitter/etc towards being game focused… instead of kink/relationship/life focused.  I’m just not doing as much pervy stuff lately and my gaming addiction is as strong as ever.  I just picked up Open Broadcaster Software and might start making some videos.  I have a Twitch TV account too.  Hopefully readers will find my possible new direction entertaining!

I’ve been playing Borderlands 2 primarily, but I also play Skyrim and other titles.  I’m on a desktop PC, whose components are (sadly) about five and a half years old.  I have an Astro Gaming 2013 A40 headset, Corsair K70 keyboard, and Logitech G500 mouse as far as peripherals.  I have an Intel Core 2 Duo CPU E7200 @2.53GHz with 4GB of RAM.  I had been gifted a video card a few years back, so I have a ATI Radeon HD 5570.

Quick Update

Fall quarter starts for me on the 23rd, and I’ve not been up to too terribly much.  I turned 25 at the end of August… and I’ve been playing ungodly amounts of Borderlands 2 and having a blast.  Got myself a sexy new gaming keyboard and mouse with gift cards from my b-day.  I need to stop being lazy and apply for a couple of universities that I may want to attend for my bachelor’s, but I admit, I find the process intimidating…  Applying for my FAFSA is way easier.

Generally doing pretty ok otherwise.  Hope everyone is doing great too ❤

Bend

I’m always surprised and intrigued to know what people think of me.  Day to day I’m usually in jeans and a tank top or t-shirt, depending on how hot it is.  If it’s toasty, it might be shorts or a skirt… if it’s cold I’ll likely be wearing a nerdy hoodie of some sort.  I was talking with Q and some interesting things came to light.  Out of the circle of females he knows, he considers me one of the more feminine.  He also considers me to be on the more “normal” side of humans.

I don’t think of myself as “normal” at all.  It isn’t that I try to be weird or to stand out, but I feel I stand apart from much of the animal masses.  People often seem surprised at how much of a metal head I am, as far as music.  Sometimes when folks see photos of when I’m in goth attire, and their mind is blown.  I flip flop between quite femme and boyish.  On the internet I’m much more social than I am in my day to day life.  I can’t be around people for too long without some alone time.  It seems that people think I’ll be this meek little innocent because of being an introvert.  Some people, anyway.

I find it amusing to be other than what people expect of me.  I wish I could shape shift.  I would look different every day.  I can’t seem to settle on any one thing.  Gender identity, dominance vs. submission, career path, and the list just goes on and on.  It’s odd, as much as I generally dislike being labeled by other people, I fairly frequently label myself.  I like challenging people’s perceptions of me.  At the same time, I think I am still malleable… if I like someone a lot, I tend to want to be more what they desire.  I need to keep my head on straight.  I have to remind myself to not overstep boundaries.  I have to remind myself to not lose myself or sight of priorities.

Since summer quarter ended I have done VERY little productive stuff.  I’ve been devoured by Skyrim.  That game is glitchy as fuck.  I broke the game hard enough with my first character that I deleted her and completely restarted.  Thankfully, Steam makes it super easy to mod.  I’ve made things run more smoothly in general.  Sadly, I’m going to have to completely redo the Thieves’ Guild quest chain, which makes a part inside cry a little.  I’m running around with a dark elf turned Vampire Lord.  Primarily a destruction/elemental damage type spell caster, but also sneaky.  Fun game.  This is the most I’ve ever had the chance to play this franchise.  As a last aside, I picked up the recent Humble Bundle, and EA’s client Origin makes me want to break things.  I’ve been trying off and on for several days to get a single game to install.  It’s not even 7 gigs and it is only about 30% done.  Horrible.

Antisleep Rambling

I’m tired, but not.  Spent a bit of time this evening catching up with an ex-boyfriend of mine.  We both would like to find our long term/life-long someone(s).  I would say I miss romance, but I’ve never really had someone who offered it to me.  I definitely miss touch/contact, though.  I’m just rambling in a slightly intoxicated manner, truth be told.  I got some wine I’ve been curious about for a bit.. and I failed hard at removing the cork.  Clearly it was a divine sign that I was supposed to drink the entire bottle by myself, tonight.  I’m such a fucking light-weight anymore, that I’m just about done with it approximately 5 hours later and I’m pleasantly tipsy.

I met with a prospective submissive this week, which was an interesting and fun experience.  I got to paddle his ass, though it was done somewhat carefully since I had to be mindful of sound carrying, what with living in a dorm.  I also got to drip hot wax all over from shoulder to mid-thigh on his front.  I’ve had wax used on me before, but never done so to another.  It was quite fun!  I ended up laughing a lot, which… granted, probably is not what everyone would want, but damn it… they can find someone else, that isn’t me, to play with.

Given that I am a bit inebriated I will post something that is more brutally honest than I typically might, that was on my mind the last week or two.  There have been more than a few of my past significant others, who I broke up with in large part because I wasn’t sexually attracted enough to them.  I never have told any of these particular individuals this nor do I intend to.  I’m not so shallow that this was the only reason I dumped them, mind you.  It was a factor, though.  I feel like a right piece of shit for it, too.  I see myself as VERY far from some lovely model of aesthetic perfection, but I can’t seem to help it.  I notice I’m still a coward/chicken-shit when it comes to confronting people too.  I avoid it where I can.  I’ll stand up for myself if I have to, but if I can just kind of… let things slide, I seem to do that.  I hate that.  I need to grow a pair.  Not sure exactly what a pair of, but a pair, none the less.

As a last aside, this title is in part to the music of Blue Stahli, with the various albums titled Antisleep.  Rather appropriate at the moment.  I’m tired and a bit sad.  I should go to sleep, but I also don’t want to.  Inside of my head is much too crowded lately.  Too much going on, so what have I been doing?  I’ve been playing obscene amounts of computer games and avoiding all of it.  YAY!

Fizzle

I’m not sure what has been going on lately, but my libido seems to be on the fritz.  Not that I’m really going to complain, ha.  I’ve even been having a somewhat harder time getting myself off, which IS frustrating.  I need to figure out what’s going on… watching porn doesn’t help, nor does anything else that I have tried.  Anyway, just a random little update about the weirdness in my life.

On a positive note, I’m almost done with Summer Quarter! YAY!  So ready to be done.  I am sick of my classes.

Cheat

I’ve never cheated on anyone.  Ever.  I see no point to it.  My perspective on it is as follows…  If your relationship with someone overall leaves you unhappy, after effort and time has been put in to fix it, you might as well end it.  Life is too short to be discontent and chafe under the restraints of a miserable relationship.  If you have a generally good relationship with someone, but you’re just a horny fucker, keep it in your fucking pants.  Figure out how to spice up/tweak your sex life.  Maybe discuss an open relationship.  Something.  But don’t fucking cheat.

I have been approached by WAY too many fucking assholes, who think I’ll be their discrete little something on the side.  I won’t.  I won’t do that to your partner and I won’t do that shit to myself.  In a similar vein, I won’t wait around for you either, while you try and make up your mind.  If you’ve been unhappy in your relationship for damn near a year, have contemplated breaking up with them, and suddenly for one day they become fantastic?  I’m still not waiting around.  I am not a secondary option.  Not right now, anyway.  Yes, I think polyamory and open relationships in and of themselves can be awesome.  Yes, ideally I’ll be with two different people in a long term relationship.  That doesn’t mean that I will tolerate being treated like a second class whatever, just because I’m single right now.

I’m generally a pretty relaxed, mellow individual… but right now?  Yeah, you can bet your sweet ass I’m pissed.  I try to be civil and generally respectful to people.  Lying and/or cheating are real good ways to make me lose all regard for you, however.  I’m having to physically bite my tongue right now, to refrain from raining all over someone’s parade in the most virulently vile verbiage that I can think of.