Attempting to Stream

As far as I can tell from discussing OBS settings with a few people, I shouldn’t have any problems there.  I’m using an i7 CPU and haven’t had any problems running things as far as my computer’s capabilities in general.  The internet I use is usually at 10 ping at most and the minimum DL/UL typically hovers around 40 mbps/20 mbps respectively, but I’ve seen it as high as 90 mbps/65 mbps.   I haven’t dropped a single frame thus far.  However, my stream gets completely disrupted periodically, and I’m not sure why.  It’s very frustrating.  I’m also sticking to only playing games that I don’t mind playing in a windowed mode for the moment.  I want to watch my channel’s chat and to interact with viewers, and without a secondary monitor nor having wifi I can use for my net book, options are limited.

Lately I’ve been playing Binding of Isaac with some Diablo 3 thrown in here and there.  I’m burnt out on Borderlands 2.  I picked up Osu! recently which I am remarkably bad at.  I also rediscovered how much fun Audiosurf is.  105 games on Steam, not enough time for all of them!  I still don’t have a set stream schedule unfortunately, because too many things in my life are up in the air.  I really appreciate the folks who have helped me get to where I am already, though.  Ryokorhm for my computer, Ninjaunwanted for some games, and Ishnoob for the BL2 TK Baha pack plus chocolate.  I also want to thank those of you have Followed me on Twitch.  I hope I am able to provide some consistent entertainment for everybody.  I just need to iron out a few wrinkles.

Bend

I’m always surprised and intrigued to know what people think of me.  Day to day I’m usually in jeans and a tank top or t-shirt, depending on how hot it is.  If it’s toasty, it might be shorts or a skirt… if it’s cold I’ll likely be wearing a nerdy hoodie of some sort.  I was talking with Q and some interesting things came to light.  Out of the circle of females he knows, he considers me one of the more feminine.  He also considers me to be on the more “normal” side of humans.

I don’t think of myself as “normal” at all.  It isn’t that I try to be weird or to stand out, but I feel I stand apart from much of the animal masses.  People often seem surprised at how much of a metal head I am, as far as music.  Sometimes when folks see photos of when I’m in goth attire, and their mind is blown.  I flip flop between quite femme and boyish.  On the internet I’m much more social than I am in my day to day life.  I can’t be around people for too long without some alone time.  It seems that people think I’ll be this meek little innocent because of being an introvert.  Some people, anyway.

I find it amusing to be other than what people expect of me.  I wish I could shape shift.  I would look different every day.  I can’t seem to settle on any one thing.  Gender identity, dominance vs. submission, career path, and the list just goes on and on.  It’s odd, as much as I generally dislike being labeled by other people, I fairly frequently label myself.  I like challenging people’s perceptions of me.  At the same time, I think I am still malleable… if I like someone a lot, I tend to want to be more what they desire.  I need to keep my head on straight.  I have to remind myself to not overstep boundaries.  I have to remind myself to not lose myself or sight of priorities.

Since summer quarter ended I have done VERY little productive stuff.  I’ve been devoured by Skyrim.  That game is glitchy as fuck.  I broke the game hard enough with my first character that I deleted her and completely restarted.  Thankfully, Steam makes it super easy to mod.  I’ve made things run more smoothly in general.  Sadly, I’m going to have to completely redo the Thieves’ Guild quest chain, which makes a part inside cry a little.  I’m running around with a dark elf turned Vampire Lord.  Primarily a destruction/elemental damage type spell caster, but also sneaky.  Fun game.  This is the most I’ve ever had the chance to play this franchise.  As a last aside, I picked up the recent Humble Bundle, and EA’s client Origin makes me want to break things.  I’ve been trying off and on for several days to get a single game to install.  It’s not even 7 gigs and it is only about 30% done.  Horrible.

Busy Work

Classes started on Monday.  I feel like I’ve been running around like mad since then.  American Government political science, math, and a “college survival skills” quasi-required thing.  13 credits for a 6 week long summer quarter.  I’ve been making myself stay busy.  My idle mind goes unpleasant places again, lately.  I try to hide it by keeping busy.  I lament having nothing to do, no one to spend time with… then I get invited today, to go see fireworks with people and I beg off, saying I have a headache.  I’ve started going on cam4 again.  I think my self-esteem is just really in the shitter, as it were, lately.  I feel like to almost everyone I’m just a spare person.  It’s not me, as an individual, that they really care for.  It’s getting to me.  So I’m burying myself in scholastic stuff.  And playing ungodly amounts of Borderlands 2.  Two weeks and my Siren is level 61.  I’ve downed Terramorphous, Hyperius, and the 4 dragons in the Tiny Tina DLC.  I’ve played through ever chunk of DLC at least through the main story.  I’ve beaten regular vault hunter, true vault hunter, and ultimate vault hunter in the core game.  I think I’m just shoving everything down and mostly ignoring it, hiding it, though.  I can’t seem to get myself to stop.  I already had one small break down and relapse earlier this year.  I just need to keep my school stuff on track.  The rest of me can fall apart to some degree, without it really mattering, I guess.

Only other positive thing going on, other than playing lots of BL2 is Q recommended some really excellent music to me lately.  Mostly music, but some surprisingly mellow stuff too.

There’s no secret to living
(There’s no secret to living)
Just keep on walking
There’s no secret to dying
(There’s no secret to dying)
Just keep on flying

I’m gonna die in a place that don’t know my name
I’m gonna die in a space that don’t hold my fame

God knows you’re lonely souls
God knows you’re lonely souls

I believe there’s a time when the cord of life
Should be cut, my friends
(Cut the cord, my friend)
I believe there’s a time when the cord can be cut
And this vision ends
(Let this vision end)

These are a few of my favorite things

I was realizing the other day that I really don’t like trying to summarize myself in one neat little paragraph much less one tiny sentence for various websites I lurk/post on.  I think it says a lot more about me if you know the things I like .  So.  Prepare for pretty much a wall of text on various stuff I like a lot… with that, Onward Macduff!

Books: I love trashy/romance-ish vampire novels (but NOT Twilight… sparkle-vampires ought to be burned with the power of a thousand suns.. I’m sure all that glitter will be burned away eventually) like Laurell K Hamilton’s Anita Blake series.  I have, however gotten tired of that series.  I liked it better when there was more murder solving, unusual monsters, and shape-shifter culture, etc.   In general I enjoy fantasy, sci-fi, historical fiction, etc.  Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, David Weber, Tad Williams, G.R.R. Martin, Ray Bradbury, Robert Jordan and Douglas Adams.

Graphic novels/comics: Jhonen Vasquez’s various works, Transmetropolitan by Warren Ellis, Petshop of Horrors by Matsuri Akino, Fables from Vertigo, The Sandman by Gaiman (of course!), Tales from Wonderland from Zenescope to name a few.  I really enjoyed what I read of the Marvel Zombies.  And just because I can…

“In blackest day, in brightest night,
Beware your fears made into light.
Let those who try to stop what’s right
Burn like my power, Sinestro’s Might!”

Movies: Martial art, action, comedy… I’m slowly starting to dabble in horror/scary.. Lord of War, Chocolate (the one with Johnny Depp and the martial art one), Serenity, Lady Hawk, LotR, Star Wars, Donnie Darko, Sin City, V for Vendetta, Hard Candy, Fight Club, Boondock Saints, Equilibrium, Domino, Secretary, and Romeo + Juliet

TV: Family Guy, Archer, Futurama, Invader Zim, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Hellsing, Firefly, Bones, Dexter, Iron Chef (shut up, it’s an awesome show), and ALMOST any Food Network show ever. The exceptions being Rachel Ray/Paula Dean who irritate me and Sandra Lee who creeps me out (Stepford Wife much?).

Music: I listen to almost everything, predominantly metal, rock, industrial, and dubstep. As far as other genres, I listen to some of everything, but my least favorite is country. I’ll name a few favorites however: System of a Down, Velvet Acid Christ, Wumpscut, The Who, In Flames, Flobots, Grendel, MT Eden, Emilie Autumn, She, & pretty much anything that Maynard James Keenan has touched.

Food: I love food. I’ve really enjoyed attending Bite of (insert city name here) and the local annual cheese festival when I was able to attend. I enjoy cooking quite a bit, but love when someone else cooks for me. I’m not picky (except I can’t freaking stand raisins) and enjoy sampling things I’ve never tasted before. I ❤ noodles as well as almost any other carb out there. I love a big bowl of pho, especially if I feel under the weather. I’m definitely -not- a vegetarian, but I do like fruits and veggies a fair amount.

Games: Ok here goes.. I started as a tabletop gamer, so.. New World of Darkness, Dungeons and Dragons, GURPS, Mutants and Masterminds, Wheel of time, and Witchcraft 3.0 are all tabletop RPGs I’ve either dabbled or played hardcore with. As far as board/card games.. Munchkin, Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, and poker (I’m really bad at it though)..

Over the last few years or so I’ve gotten more into electronics. I played Golden Eye, Conker’s Bad Fur Day, and Mario Kart back in the day. Diablo 2, American McGee’s Alice, Final Fantasy, Zelda, Puzzle Quest, Castle Crashers, Rock Band/Guitar Hero, Soul Caliber, Street Fighter, Castlevania, etc. I have a desktop that I game on, a tolerable laptop, DS lite, PS2, GameCube and 360 Elite. In spite of a South Korean heritage I don’t really like Starcraft (So incredibly bad at it) and I do not play it. I really like Left 4 Dead 2, Borderlands, and dabble in Team Fortress 2. I AM a World of Warcraft player, so if that bothers you… move along, nothing to see here. I play on again, off again, but when I do play, the game may occasionally absorb my free time like a massive sponge.

Anyway, that was my kinda lame, cop-out 150th post.  😛  You know more about me though!  Which is good… right?  Right?  Bueller?  …Bueller?