Attempting to Stream

As far as I can tell from discussing OBS settings with a few people, I shouldn’t have any problems there.  I’m using an i7 CPU and haven’t had any problems running things as far as my computer’s capabilities in general.  The internet I use is usually at 10 ping at most and the minimum DL/UL typically hovers around 40 mbps/20 mbps respectively, but I’ve seen it as high as 90 mbps/65 mbps.   I haven’t dropped a single frame thus far.  However, my stream gets completely disrupted periodically, and I’m not sure why.  It’s very frustrating.  I’m also sticking to only playing games that I don’t mind playing in a windowed mode for the moment.  I want to watch my channel’s chat and to interact with viewers, and without a secondary monitor nor having wifi I can use for my net book, options are limited.

Lately I’ve been playing Binding of Isaac with some Diablo 3 thrown in here and there.  I’m burnt out on Borderlands 2.  I picked up Osu! recently which I am remarkably bad at.  I also rediscovered how much fun Audiosurf is.  105 games on Steam, not enough time for all of them!  I still don’t have a set stream schedule unfortunately, because too many things in my life are up in the air.  I really appreciate the folks who have helped me get to where I am already, though.  Ryokorhm for my computer, Ninjaunwanted for some games, and Ishnoob for the BL2 TK Baha pack plus chocolate.  I also want to thank those of you have Followed me on Twitch.  I hope I am able to provide some consistent entertainment for everybody.  I just need to iron out a few wrinkles.

State of Mind

I’m meant to be curled up in my bed, passed the hell out.  Classes for Fall Quarter start tomorrow.  Instead, I’m listening to some drum-step and writing this.  I have too many thoughts bouncing around the inside of my cranium to relax.  I need to get off my ass and apply to a couple of Universities.  I need to meet with a counselor/adviser at my current school to figure out how I’m going to cram all my remaining degree requirements into as short of a time period as possible.  I need to think about the possibility of asking family for a loan to cover expenses too, or else get more/larger student loans.  The federal financial aid I’m getting won’t cover too many credits over what are necessary for my degree.  By number I’m already over what are required.  Unfortunately, I’m lacking in a couple areas as far as specific courses, which I’m in the process of completing.  I still think I want to pursue Socio-Cultural Anthropology, but I’m considering options to supplement my finances too.

In the last few weeks I’ve had the chance to get friendly with a variety of people who are able to pull in some cash through doing game streams on Twitch.  In theory, someone who I know through Twitch/Steam is going to be gifting me a new (to me) desktop gaming rig.  I’m not 100% on this yet.  They may fall through.  It’s a huge/amazing gift, if they do follow through.  If that does end up happening, I’ll be equipped to start trying to do my own game streams.  I’m attempting to get my account changed over from Justin TV to Twitch at the moment, too.  In my “day to day” life I’m more of an introvert than ever… but online I’m making friends and networking.  I’m completely broke, but I’ve been able to offer my time/energy to a couple cool people this weekend as well as last weekend when they did 24 hour streams.

One of the other things on my mind has been a blossoming flirtation with someone.  They’re not local.  Of course they’re not local.  I’m not making any assumptions until I get a chance to meet this person, if I ever do get that opportunity at all.  I’ve had hard lessons about offering my heart freely in the past.  Then again, someone else has been flirting hard with me the last week or so, and while I don’t think they “mean” it in any serious way, I’m starting to wonder… and everything is increasingly topsy turvy.

In short, my brain needs to shut up and go to sleep.  I have to be able to at least FAKE perky behavior for my first day of classes, damn it.

Gaming

I’m strongly thinking of changing the direction of my blog/twitter/etc towards being game focused… instead of kink/relationship/life focused.  I’m just not doing as much pervy stuff lately and my gaming addiction is as strong as ever.  I just picked up Open Broadcaster Software and might start making some videos.  I have a Twitch TV account too.  Hopefully readers will find my possible new direction entertaining!

I’ve been playing Borderlands 2 primarily, but I also play Skyrim and other titles.  I’m on a desktop PC, whose components are (sadly) about five and a half years old.  I have an Astro Gaming 2013 A40 headset, Corsair K70 keyboard, and Logitech G500 mouse as far as peripherals.  I have an Intel Core 2 Duo CPU E7200 @2.53GHz with 4GB of RAM.  I had been gifted a video card a few years back, so I have a ATI Radeon HD 5570.

Quick Update

Fall quarter starts for me on the 23rd, and I’ve not been up to too terribly much.  I turned 25 at the end of August… and I’ve been playing ungodly amounts of Borderlands 2 and having a blast.  Got myself a sexy new gaming keyboard and mouse with gift cards from my b-day.  I need to stop being lazy and apply for a couple of universities that I may want to attend for my bachelor’s, but I admit, I find the process intimidating…  Applying for my FAFSA is way easier.

Generally doing pretty ok otherwise.  Hope everyone is doing great too ❤

Bend

I’m always surprised and intrigued to know what people think of me.  Day to day I’m usually in jeans and a tank top or t-shirt, depending on how hot it is.  If it’s toasty, it might be shorts or a skirt… if it’s cold I’ll likely be wearing a nerdy hoodie of some sort.  I was talking with Q and some interesting things came to light.  Out of the circle of females he knows, he considers me one of the more feminine.  He also considers me to be on the more “normal” side of humans.

I don’t think of myself as “normal” at all.  It isn’t that I try to be weird or to stand out, but I feel I stand apart from much of the animal masses.  People often seem surprised at how much of a metal head I am, as far as music.  Sometimes when folks see photos of when I’m in goth attire, and their mind is blown.  I flip flop between quite femme and boyish.  On the internet I’m much more social than I am in my day to day life.  I can’t be around people for too long without some alone time.  It seems that people think I’ll be this meek little innocent because of being an introvert.  Some people, anyway.

I find it amusing to be other than what people expect of me.  I wish I could shape shift.  I would look different every day.  I can’t seem to settle on any one thing.  Gender identity, dominance vs. submission, career path, and the list just goes on and on.  It’s odd, as much as I generally dislike being labeled by other people, I fairly frequently label myself.  I like challenging people’s perceptions of me.  At the same time, I think I am still malleable… if I like someone a lot, I tend to want to be more what they desire.  I need to keep my head on straight.  I have to remind myself to not overstep boundaries.  I have to remind myself to not lose myself or sight of priorities.

Since summer quarter ended I have done VERY little productive stuff.  I’ve been devoured by Skyrim.  That game is glitchy as fuck.  I broke the game hard enough with my first character that I deleted her and completely restarted.  Thankfully, Steam makes it super easy to mod.  I’ve made things run more smoothly in general.  Sadly, I’m going to have to completely redo the Thieves’ Guild quest chain, which makes a part inside cry a little.  I’m running around with a dark elf turned Vampire Lord.  Primarily a destruction/elemental damage type spell caster, but also sneaky.  Fun game.  This is the most I’ve ever had the chance to play this franchise.  As a last aside, I picked up the recent Humble Bundle, and EA’s client Origin makes me want to break things.  I’ve been trying off and on for several days to get a single game to install.  It’s not even 7 gigs and it is only about 30% done.  Horrible.

Seeking and Finding

Considering my mostly failed attempts at dating over the last several years, I’ve sort of… gone back to the drawing board in regards to what I am looking for.  I’m wary of entrusting myself to anyone as completely as I did for Draegon, but my kinky self and my lonely heart urge me to continue searching.

I’ve actually resorted to posting a personal ad.  I’m on a fairly good online dating site, but it rarely seems to produce people as kinky as I would like, so I have made use of other venues at my disposal.  My first bit of searching was for someone who I could let my feline self out to play around.  I’ve one particularly promising individual that I hopefully will be meeting with this upcoming week.  As he and I both have been out of town this last week, we’ve been restricted to talking via email mostly.  He has been in Spain and says he is bringing me back some dark chocolate.. smart man!

In regards to my lusts… I’m on the prowl for a friend with benefits, methinks.  I’ve been talking to a couple people about this as well, as well as having turned down many.  Yes, I like sex, but that doesn’t mean I want to be casual about who I choose to share my body with, like I have in the past.  Considering how massive the geek population is in and around my city, it doesn’t seem like it should be hard to find a nice kinky geek who wants to bump uglies with me.  Perhaps my tastes are overly discerning…  But on the other hand, is expecting condom use and the individual to not have a partner they’re cheating on really that unreasonable?  I don’t think so.

I’m considering starting another blog separate from this one to do a bit more of… professional writing.  I’ve always been keen on the descriptive/flavor text in tabletop RPG game books.  Once I manage to get my life a bit more settled I may be leaning towards going back to school for an English/Journalism/Communications major so that I could start trying to bust into the game industry that way.  My other thought would be to get a tablet, start working on learning how to draw digitally, and maybe go to an art school.  As it is right now I’ve been applying for all kinds of jobs, with a special bit of attention towards anything that would be remotely involved with gaming.  Not that I’m above being a waitress or working in retail, mind.  I just am trying to get my priorities straight.  I figure I’m turning 23 this summer, which is roughly a quarter of my estimated life span, so I really should have a better idea of what I’m trying to achieve with my life.

As an aside to those who care, the almost two weeks I spent visiting my parents went remarkably well.  I managed to get a lot of sleep, eat tasty home cooked food, re-familiarized myself with playing piano, and only got into one fight/argument with my mom and dad.  The satellite internet was terrible, the lack of cell phone signal made me sad… and I capped out their monthly bandwidth cap.  I didn’t ever really even -think- about internet having a BW cap.  Oops…  The hot tubbing was lovely and going out on the 4×4 was amusing.  I’m definitely a city girl at heart, though.